[MinParticipant]

Here is my two pennies worth.
Peter had had a double heart bypass 8 years before his MM. Stress off the richter scale as daughter had booked her wedding in New York which co- incided with his op.
Fast forward 8 years and diagosis of MM. I knew in my heart of hearts because of how poorly he was at diagnosis there would be little chance of him beating it.
When he died so suddenly, my stress was on 'hold' I had non of the usual stress effects but went into shock mode. There is a pain which is hard to describe but no mental anguish.
It was some months later when the reality of it all hit me. I had mild sort of petty mall attacks along with blurred vision which worsened to near blindness. That in itself was stressful as I was on my own with no help.

GP was aware it was a stress problem but nothing he prescibed including councelling worked.
Then, some kind person suggested I try Reiki.
I had never even heard of Reiki let alone know what it was. But I had reached the end of my tether and decided not to do any research on it.
I just found myself a recommended person who came to my home spent 3 hours with me …..and left me a changed person.
Within 24 hours I had no more problems and the calming effect was amazing.
It wont necessarily work for everyone but its worth a try, and for me far more effective than councelling.
I have called on her on two other occasions for medical help, for me it works and just allows me to Chilax and take things in my stride,
The stress of diagnosis is learning to accept that a planned way of life hope and dreams of growing old together is is interupted. A period of adjusment to a new way of life and being tied to the medication and clinic and all the constraints this has on your new way of life. You will adjust but the changing circumstances of your personal fight requires further adjustment and lots of periods of reflection.
Non of which you were ever prepared for.
When life is 'good' and your going along normally its fine then something sticks a spanner in the works and chaos reigns, but just for a while.
You adjust again, and again and wait for the storm to pass, so you can dance in the rain.
Min

[PerkymiteParticipant]

Some really good replies on your topic Mary, reading them I think the thing that shines through is that ?Stress? is as individual as Myeloma.

My wife and I will have been married 50 years come Nov 24th and in those 50 years we, like you all, have had our ups and downs, nobody?s life is all milk and honey. We have had some pretty disastrous years like 1986 when we lost our 19yr old son in a road accident. My own impending death, probably from either Myeloma or Prostate cancer, bears little when in comparison to that year.

When the Surgeon repaired my neck he said to me that if he had to have a terminal cancer he would pick Myeloma and the reason, as has been mentioned, is that it gives you time. I asked for a clear prognosis ? I told the Consultant I did not want her to be nice but be truthful ? at that time she gave me 2 years, maximum 3 useful years. My sale by date was July 2012. My surgeon would have been proud of me we have used our time wisely and are enjoying the time we have together, it is for us a wonderful time. I have done all I wanted to do and whilst I am going to fight to the bitter end I am ready to go if needs be.

The key for Mo and I has been to accept that this IS going to happen we do not shy away from talking or joking, yes joking, about it to our friends. Making my own coffin has been a real ice breaker and brings about much humour. Our children and Grand-children have taken up our lead and talk about it as well, my 9 year old Grandson got in real quick when he asked If he could inherit my World Of Tanks gaming registration!

So for us, as I have said, the answer to stress we found was facing it foursquare and honestly, we get up and laugh and smile from the moment we awake, we walk down the street holding hands and reaffirming our love we do not care who we embarrass, we had a kiss and a cuddle in the middle of M&S today . We might seem to others as soppy old pensioners but we are reliving the moments we met. And, I will die well knowing I have done all it was humanly possible for me to do for my Mo. And Mo is well aware of what faces her as she said today to me, "People will be sympathetic when you die, but, then they will expect me to get on with my life, and that is what I intend to do" Good on you Mo – go for it!

Kindest regards ? vasbyte

David

David

[tomParticipant]

Hey Folks and as David Said Good reply's 😀 I am like most of you on here yep got it but dont want it, fight it but would rather have a rest every now and then and thats what am having now a Rest before my next treatment needs to kick in but as am still in remission am not expecting it too soon8-) but will I be upset sad and angry when it kicks back in? too true I will:-( but will it beat me into giving up NEVER 😎

I have been asked how I do what I do when I have got what I have got (MM) :-S well I tell them its either an "Up and at Em" or i/we sit in a corner whimpering for all to see :-/ and That I aint gonna do:-P My Kids know all about my MM but Our Grandkids dont know what and when they just know av got poorly bones so dont jump on HIM Lol 😉

David you Home Made Coffin was/is a great Idea to bring it into the Grandkids space and I know that is working for you 😀 and as for the Cuddle in M&S I cant aford that lol but Elaine( my young bride) and I cuddle where and when we want.

Keep strong you all and cope with it in the best way you can at that moment.

Love Tom "Onwards and Upwards" xx

[eveParticipant]

Hi Everyone
Well I feel less stressed out just reading these posting,so may be that is the answer come on here and talk about it,because the people who reply are all in the same boat,and if they are not,some time in the future they will be.So we help each other.

David I loved the bit about your grandson,same as one of are grandsons,he wants the 5 plagues of the Royal Marine Commando,s Slim is just one of a few that has served in every unit.We have four grandsons left now Matty has died,so it has been decided to give them one plague each now,and Slim will keep the fifth,rather than wait until the end.Better to get the elephant out of the room,so the children can accept it is a normal process.

That is my stress buster for the day,I only hope Mary is coping as she has not been on lately .Eve

[StanstanParticipant]

Hi Eve and everyone – I'm here! 🙂

Thanks so much for all your replies. It has been really helpful and as Tom says – stress is an individual thing. I just can't seem to think of it all logically at the moment – maybe in time. I found just screaming a little release and crying of course. I suppose there is a period of time during which you become used to the idea of living/dying with and of Myeloma. I think that the way people suffering grief just absolutely wail is much healthier than holding it all in which I tend to do.
I am trying to adopt a positive attitude but don't think I am at that stage yet.
Some of you have suffered far more than I have and you have all coped.
It is amazing what people can cope with and not crumble.
Thank you all for your help and UPWARD AND ONWARD!!!

Love Mary & Charlie x>:-)

[adamsp41Participant]

Hi all….just to say that I feel dealing with stress is a very personal matter… at the time of my SCT Jan 2011…my Mum was taken ill with early signs of dementia and suffering from COPD (she was a heavy smoker )…post SCT I had the daunting task of getting her officially diagnosed with dementia and put into care (100% nightmare)whilst still recovering. I can honestly say hand on heart that my wife and I were never away from the hospital during this period…during this time up to her death in Sep 2011 I had to focus on getting everything right for Mum which seemed (looking back ) I suppose a helpful diversionary aid to my own personal problems.I too sought counselling which helped and at one point I was hospitalised with an infection in the same hospital as Mum and I was told that she may not last the night…when I asked if I could go see her I was told no due to the high risk of cross-infection…( lowest point of the whole sorry episode)…but…she pulled through.Even when Mum eventually passed away I felt I was still strong enough to organise all her personal stuff and arrange the funeral…Do we ever cope with stress ??? or do we adapt our lives to survive and continue the best we can…I know that without the love and support of my wife my own personal story may have been a lot different…Mary you are correct when she says it is amazing what people can cope with and not crumble…but crumbling is not an option…hope my ten-penneth helps…stay safe…Phil

[StanstanParticipant]

Hi Phil

It must have been so traumatic for you all. Living with Myeloma is enough on it's own, it must ave been a dreadful period. I found losing my Mum the most dreadful thing. How did your wife cope with all this?
I have started using a stress release CD which is quite helpful but I suppose we just have to accept it all and get on with it.
How are you and your wife now Phil? After coping with so much?

Love Mary & Charlie:-S

[adamsp41Participant]

Hi Mary and Charlie…well the wife seemed to cope reasonably well…seemed to rise to the challenge I suppose…looking back it all seems a blur to me as I was at the hospital every day for months for either Mum or me and really as I said in my 1st post we basically had to do it…this is what I meant by coping with stress by adapting our lives to survive and continue the best we can…might sound like a load of poppycock but this was our way of coping…just remember there are holidays and better moments to come…stay focused on them….stay safe…Phil and Jan

[Author]

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