[ozzyParticipant]

Dear Eve
So sorry hearing this news Slim put up a valiant fight. Our thoughts are with you and please take care of yourself.
Paul & Gayle xxxx

[jillsParticipant]

Dear Eve,
Very sorry to hear your news, thinking of you and sending love,

Jill xxx

[pollyParticipant]

Dear Eve

Deeply saddened to hear the news of Slims passing thinking of you at this sad time

Love Polly xx

[TinaParticipant]

Dear Eve,
Although I haven’t posted for a while I have been following both Slim’s and your journey with MM.I felt his time was close and truly dreaded the pain that will be with you now.
I am thinking of you and although I know you have the strength to cope I hope you have family and friends to help you through.

Tina XX

[johnandjunediamondParticipant]

oh eve,i am so sorry my thoughts are with you, it’s so hard to understand this existance and it’s ceasless attacks on our sanity,the coming mths will be testing as each emotion is trialed to extreme, but i know you are strong and slim wouldnt wish you sadness. take your time love ok!

[eveParticipant]

Thank you all for your condolences

Although expected it still seems so unreal.at the moment I am ok as I have said earlier I have no regrets,it’s a comfort to me that Slim lived and died just the way he wanted to,many people specially in death,do not get the death they wanted,plus many things are left unsaid.

Slim wanted a non religious funeral,so have arranged this,he is being cremated on the 9 of September,as my birthday is on the 12 September.
I want it to be a celebration of his life,I hope I can do him justice. Slim wants his ashes thrown off the end of the pier,just have to make sure the wind is blowing in the right direction.
As for myself I think my weird sense of humour is keeping me going,I am going to leave you with my thoughts.!!
Why worry about tomorrow and spoil today. Love Eve

[GillParticipant]

Dear Eve

I am truly sorry to hear of Slim’s death. Stephen died nearly 2 years ago. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime away and sometimes it feels as though it was yesterday.

Like you and Slim there was nothing left unsaid between us, and as for regrets? I have none. (as long as you don’t count the fact that he got this bastard disease).

For a while I felt as though I had told him to die. His last words were “Gill is this it? and please don’t give me any bullshit” I replied “you’ve got to go now darling” and he smiled, closed his eyes and died. For quite a while I thought he had died because I told him too. Then I realised that I had been told by the hospice nurse that his death was imminent.

Like Slim Stephen did not want a religious service and so it was held by a Celebrant. He was fantastic. He came to the house and spent ages asking me about Stephen and our life together, and during the service you would have thought that he had known Stephen for years.

I had told the Celebrant a funny story regarding our wedding and after Stephen’s funeral loads of people came up to me and said “I didn’t know you 2 were married”. We had lived together for well over 20 years and decided to marry when we bought a house in France. To buy a house there as an unmarried couple is a nightmare. So I persuaded a couple of work colleagues to take a very extended lunch hour and be witnesses. We traipsed up to the registry office, got married and then treated everybody to a meal.

We didn’t bother telling anybody that we had married, but I must admit that the fact that I was classed as his next of kin when he died made things more simple as he had fallen out with his family years before he died.

This may sound very strange but I still “sort of” talk to him. Not in my day to day life but when I am watching television 🙂 We would be watching some heart wrenching TV programme and I would get quite emotional and believe it all. Stephen, being the cynical beast he always was, would say that it was all made up to get money out of you and I was silly to believe it.

He never objected to me sending money, although he thought I was stupid, (not much £3 or £4) and I still do. When I take the phone number from the TV appeal I say out loud to Stephen “I know, but I am still damn well doing it!”

Stephen’s ashes are in France. He adored being there so a very close friend came with me to France. We took Stephen’s ashes, a bottle of decent champagne (the last one out of the wine rack!) and 2 glasses over to the small field Stephen had bought years before.

We tipped out his ashes, doused them with a glass of champagne and drank a glass each to say goodbye. We then went back to the house, drank the rest of the champagne and had a little “toes up” before starting supper. I did keep a little of the ashes back as the grandchildren had bought small silver vials to put Pop’s ashes in and keep in their bedrooms.

I have just realised how selfish I have been with this posting. I have waffled on about MY loss and MY husband, and I wanted to post about you.

I hope that the 9th September is a great celebration of Slim’s life, I am sure you will do him justice in spades.

As for your last line do you remember the Saint Trinians films? The late Joyce Grenfell played a hopeless, hapless teacher. I read about her life years and years ago and discovered that she had written a poem for her own funeral.

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be your usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well

It was read at Stephen’s funeral. I don’t know how I did it but I spoke at Stephen’s funeral. I spoke about him. Good points and bad The guys he employed all nodded their heads when I got to Awkward, Stubborn and sometimes Impossible, but they also nodded when I talked about his Compassion, sense of fairness and his generosity.

I read some poetry “When I am old I shall wear purple with a red hat that doesn’t suit me” by Jenny Joseph

And yes I wore purple and a red hat

I will be thinking of you and Slim on the 9th. I am sure you will do him justice and hope all goes well for you much love Gillxx

Many years ago my dad died and I bought a small weeping cherry tree to put his ashes underneath. Stephen dug the hole and placed the cherry tree in it. A great wind started just as Stephen was emptying Dad’s ashes and Stephen always maintained that Tom was buried in 36 (our house)38, 40 and probably further!!

[eveParticipant]

Hi Gill

Reading your posting,you could have been talking about Slim, Stephen and Slim must have come out of the same mould. Lol

One of the people from the past described Slim as a gently giant,that was her memory as a little girl.
I had to stop and think about the way she saw him. The last four years took there toll as he fought to stay alive, he lost 5 inches in height ,he was never a heavy weight,but when he died I would say he weighed about 45 k, So I agree it is a bastard of a disease,and to go through it,and live with it as we did,takes guts. I would not have missed one minute of those years,it makes you appreciate life in all it’s fullness.

I also try to be positive and think there are people far worst off than us,we had such a good life and did so much,just would have liked more years,but that applies to everyone on this site.

Slim is also having a Celebrant ,who is an Ex Marine,also a little bit of a Marine send off,the flag and the last post,but he is going out to Queens ,who wants to live for ever.
Dr Hook and Rod Stuart ,will be in there some were,so it’s not going to be very conventional at all,but Slim was not either.
I decided his service was going to be all about the man he was,and not the man he became as he became nearer death,so I hope Gill you raise a glass on the 9th of September to Slim and Stephen and think we were lucky to have loved such stubborn stubborn men. Love Eve

[HelenParticipant]

Dear Eve
I’m so sorry to hear that Slim has died, he was my travelling companion since diagnosis. You have been such an unwavering, wise and stoical support to him for such a long time, I take my hat off to you.
This disease is so relentless and not for softies, but I often wished he had had an easier path.
I do hope your celebration of his life is a happy one and you can smile wryly for him.
My lovely Eve, try and keep in touch with us, sometimes it gets very difficult, but it is people like you who give people like me the energy to push on.
Much love Helen

[GillParticipant]

I will be with you both tomorrow and I hope it is a wonderful celebration of Slim’s life. Don’t forget a straight back, determination and a pocket full of tissues.

When Stephen died my daughter flew over from the States. She was devastated that she did not arrive before Stephen died, but she said she was there to support me. Bless her she sorted out all of the funeral arrangements and booked the wake? but checked with me that what she had arranged was OK.

When we arrived for the service she took one look at what Stephen called a giant picnic basket (wicker coffin)and almost collapsed. I had to support her! UWe had been to the funeral parlour previously and left in his coffin, his favourite sweets, his wooden staff that a friend had carved for him when his walking got bad and his rather fetching, large leather, wide brimmed hat that he wore in the rain when he walked the dogs (I wish I had kept that!)

Everything was quite irreverent I remember we entered while “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” was playing. The only serious piece of music played was Nessan Dormer spelling? Which Stephen and I both loved. We were never serious music people, but singers like Maria Callas could certainly raise a goosebump or two.

Yes I do still cry, but my memories of our life together will keep me going until it is time for me to go

Genuine love and sympathy Gill xxx

[PerkymiteParticipant]

Hi Eve, I was gutted to read the posts regarding Slim’s demise. Through you we all got to know him well. I will think of you tomorrow when I go to my Son’s grave.

Please, please do not leave us.

My love and best wishes go out to you – Vasbyte

David

[HelenRParticipant]

Dear Eve,

I’m so sorry to read your news – at least just in time to wish you all the best for the celebration of Slim’s life tomorrow. We’ve never met obviously but you both come across so vividly in your posts. I can see that you were very lucky to have him in your life and he was very lucky to have you there fighting his corner. You must have so many memories – and now all the myeloma bits can start to fade into the background alongside the other more important ones. I’m very impressed that he was a marine! I don’t know if you’ve seen that there’s a ‘marine commando school’ programme on currently – incredible what they have to do, and you can see the strength they need both physically and mentally. Even if physically the myeloma got the better of Slim towards the end (which none of us can help) he clearly had the mental strength to cling on and beat the odds for as long as humanly possible. Very inspiring for all of us.

Thanks so much for writing on here and I’m glad to see your sense of humour is still shining through!

Thinking of you tomorrow and beyond,
Helen

PS I don’t want to steal your post but as I’m writing and I hardly ever do: I’m doing really well. Day 81 after my SCT. Still off work and enjoying feeling better than I have all year. Just bought a new pair of hiking boots – went up & down Box Hill yesterday and off to Spain in a fortnight to walk a bit more of the Camino de Santiago with friends – we do it every year & I’m so glad I’ll make some of it even though I’ll not do all the walking. Onwards & Upwards, as Tom says!

[eveParticipant]

Hello Everyone,well it’s 6am,and today I am coming to the end of a journey!

Last day to make sure every thing goes right,visited Slim yesterday,and took masses of Sunflowers to line his coffin,if you have followed this journey you will know how much we enjoyed France and the fields of sunflowers,they represent a big part of our lives together,all ways looking for the sun.

No regrets lot of love fun and laughter along the way even enjoyed his grumpiness made me laugh,I am watching the sun rise over Deal,the sky is red,so may be it’s not going to be a hot day,: red sky at Dawn sailers be warned : or may be they just know Slims coming lol.

Thank you all again.

Helen W ,enjoy every minute.
David, keep looking behind you!!! Someone trying ti kill you!
Helen R. I know your journey well we use to stay by the church wall in El Burgos and drive about 15k to a place,were there are lots of golden eagles and Griffin vultures,that fancied Oscar for breakfast,and walk through the canyon ,there is a little church there plus,a cave full of Bats,i hope you at least get there but the walk is hard,it’s become a bit touristy now!!! ,I cannot remember the name of it,but I am sure you will know it.

Time to walk the dog,it’s going to be a long day,I hope I do Slim proud,before I start my own journey alone.

My love to you all,you have been an immense support to me,the Myeloma Bubble has burst for me,good job I am a good swimmer. Love Eve

[PhilipandfionaParticipant]

Dear Eve, I hope you had a wonderful day today filled with love and laughter amongst a few tears. I am sure you did Slim proud.
Much love
Fiona

[TinaParticipant]

Dear Eve,
I am sure you had many funny stories to tell and listen to today as you were celebrating Slim’s life. As you leave one “club” you are joining me and other cyber friends in another.
Best wishes to you in your new life.

Tina xx

[Author]

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