[PerkymiteParticipant]

About 4 weeks ago my niece, a delightful lady of 59, full of life looking forward to her 60th birthday next year and already planning the celebrations was told she had a Glasblastoma (a brain tumour). This morning she died. She was a really nice person with a lovely personality; she turned heads wherever she went. Spanish waiters hovered around her like bees around a honey pot, much to her husband?s annoyance

I well remember my Surgeon telling me after the operation to rebuild my neck that if he had to die of a cancer he would pick Myeloma and the reason was that it gave you time with your loved ones, time to plan and not to leave the world with unanswered questions. I thought I knew what he meant but looking at this young ladies family now, I fully understand the meaning of his words.

My wife and I will really miss her, especally the cheery voice no matter what the problem. I have fixed in my mind a picture of her laughing and will conjure that up every time the dark cloud of sadness crosses my mind.

Kindest regard ? Vasbyte

David

[DaiCroParticipant]

My condolences for the grief you must be feeling for your lovely niece David.

I had a cousin Mandy who was devastated to hear my news re: Myeloma… she sent me messages of support on Facebook and the occasional email whenever she heard of minor or major successes. I hadn't seen her for many years (25 or more) and yet she responded with wonderful grace and garnered similar support from other long lost Crowthers. Mandy contracted liver cancer earlier this year and died within 8 weeks of being diagnosed. We never did get the chance to meet.

Since leaving Fishguard in May '09 I have lost 2 acquaintances and 1 good friend… all from cancer and all quite quickly. Each of them offered me support in my troubles and yet here I am… I fully appreciate your Doctor's missive about this unexpected bonus from MM… and I fully intend to make use of it.

My respects to your family.

Dai.

[GillParticipant]

I know when Stephen was diagnosed in November 2008 His oncologist told us, with pride, that he had patients who had survived 5 years or more. At the time I wanted to jump out of my seat, shake the man and say "but he is only 53"

I now agree that if you have to have an incurable cancer mm is one that gives you time to reflect and get things right in your own world.

My condolances to you and your family on the loss of your niece David

Love from Gill xxx

[TinaParticipant]

I attended a memorial service yesterday for my sisiter in law's sister. Three weeks ago she went to her GP with a pain in her shoulder and neck and by day seven she had died of double pnemonia I spent lots of time with her poor husband who was still in complete shock sharing his pain and understanding his grief.
Even with MM there are those who are unable to plan and talk about the inevitable – Patrick was not, I am grateful to say, one of those people but he did go through and awful amount of pain both physical and emotional throughout the years with cancer and I am therefore not convinced a long uncurable illness is preferable. That said if Patrick had been given the choice he would have chosen MM.

Tina X

[eveParticipant]

Hi David and all these lovely people replying
To David and everyone else I am sorry for your loss,when it comes so close to home it hits harder,It seems cancer becomes so much more to the front when it enters your world,you notice how many people have it.

I have lost close relatives and good friends ,some very young,these people fought hard to live,some just to see there children,pass exams!!,so I do feel very strongly,that people should live life to the full and enjoy every day.That is the legacy they leave behind.

As for a short illness or long illness,I think you often do your mourning while people are alive,but no matter if you expect death it still feels like a crushing blow.Love Eve

[RozParticipant]

Hi David
So sorry about your niece, I hope you all remember her cheery voice for a long time, and remember her smiley friendly nature. I'm so sorry you all never got ready and said your good byes.

I know what your saying about the time factor, but MM is the worse kind of cancer near the end, and Michael got diagnosed when he had 99% so I only saw the worse without any real remission.

All the best to you and your family

Roz xx

[HelenParticipant]

Dear David
How sad for you and your family, but you are right, we do have time to do stuff and say the things we need to say to the ones we love.
Helen

[zasrsParticipant]

Hi David

What a tragic loss of such a wonderful sounding women. I go round supermarkets shopping sometimes looking and thinking why not that person or that person i wish i could have some understanding, Gordon and your neice and patrick and peter had a lot more living to do.

My condolances to you and your family.

sarah

[SusanDParticipant]

Dear David,

I am so sorry for your loss of your niece. It must have been so hard.

I think you are correct – with multiple myeloma, my dad was diagnosed 2 years ago. He has been through the worst in terms of side effects of the drug, he has been through Velcade, Mephalan, Thalidomide, Bendamustine and one other all of which have been discontinued due to the side effects. he has been in hospital for the last 10 days with a lung infection which he has barely fought back from. Although we dont feel he will not die within the next 2 weeks, the feeling of inevitability is so hard to bear. His brother was diagnosed with a very rare brain tumour in January and we buried him in August following surgery and a very slow but inevitable death.

My dad is my rock – without him I simply dont exist (I am 47 with 3 children and a husband who doesnt do children!)

Dear David, I hope and pray that your illness is successful in giving you a great quality of life. Everyone deserves a chance. My dad never drank, smoked or ever said a bad word about anyone – he lives life to the full and give of his time to everyone but himself. Everyone deserves this chance in life.
Best regards
Susan

[jmsmythParticipant]

David

I like the others offer you my deepest sympathy on the passing of your niece. It is sad that you did not get to say goodbye but you have good memories and you have the sound of her laugh in your head.
Take care
Love jean xxon

[MinParticipant]

I am very sorry for your loss David, and God only takes the best. I had a very much younger friend who's funeral I attended when Peter was having his 2nd transplant. It was sad to see her deteriorate over the months. There are no good cancers, but at least MM gives the patient time to know what is ahead and enjoy life to the full for a little longer than most cancers sufferers.
My advise is forget the bad and remember the good bits like her smile, and cheery laughter.
Love Min

[brochoParticipant]

Dear David I am so sorry for your loss To lose someone young and full of life seems very cruel and unfair. love Bridget x

[PerkymiteParticipant]

Thanks all for your condolences, you are a great bunch.

It just seems weird one minute I am laughing and joking with my Niece about MY funeral and how I was going to take my computer and mobile phone with me so she could keep in touch and the next I am helping her husband plan hers!

Over the years on this site I have come to realise how lucky I am, I am very fit and can keep up an almost normal life. Others of you, I know, have had to struggle so hard and my heart goes out to you. I know that the inevitable will happen, if the No 4 Bus does not run me over first, but I just pray, like us all, for a bit more time.

But, I have taken my Surgeons advice to heart and I have just about everything planned, from my wife doing the internet banking to knowing where the tap is to turn off the water if necessary, I have ordered the kerb set for my family grave, sorted out the Order of Service book and my funeral. And, finally I am making my own coffin. My Son, Daughter and Grandchildren are going to paint/decorate the panels and then I am going to assembly it all in my workshop. Now that is organised! However, not withstanding all of that, the most important thing is that they know how much this old man loves them all.

Kindest regards ? vasbyte

David

[eveParticipant]

Hi David
I think you are a very wise man:-)
Does the number 4 bus run outside your house!!!! LOL
It is worth some planning David,just for the fact that relatives are so upset,and I often think taken advantage of at undertakers,I am not religious,but find it hard that the person who takes the service,gets paid £150 for less than 20 min work,and often makes silly mistakes when talking about the deceased,when my brother died the vicar kept talking about him calling him Brian,his name was Dennis,to me it made the whole thing an expensive farce,and lets face it you only do it once.:-P

My friend who was a teacher in her local village died from cancer age 50 not religious,after she died her husband was persuaded to have the service in the village church,which was packed out,with people who did not give a dam when she was alive,they made comments through the service,and my thoughts were this would be the last thing she would want.

I fancy a humanitarian service,followed by cremation,if I could I would have my wake before, LOL

I think I will start planning now,knowing me that number 4 bus might just find me. LOL love Eve

[PerkymiteParticipant]

Hi Eve, Actually the number 4 bus is the one we use to go into town sometimes. However, I actually use the term ?if the No4 bus does not get me first? as a euphemism for all the things you can die of, not including Myeloma, which I think would fill a No 4 bus easily!!!! I think euphemism is the right word?

Kindest regards ? vasbyte

David

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