[carolinekikaParticipant]

Hello.
My name is Carol.
My husband of 33years was diagnosed in march following a long history of back pain. Eventually a doctor ordered xrays which showed several fractures, blood tests followed and he was diagnosed with myeloma on 5thmarch.
Started treatment same day but died 6thmay.
We were promised we would have more years together.
I feel I have lost my soul. half of me has also died.
I feel such pain and despair.
Will this pain ever go.
Will I begin to enjoy life again. Brian was in such pain the last weeks before his parting that even high doses of morphine would not improve the pain, and though I know this man who rode a Harley and loved the out door life would of hated living so disabaled does not lessen my pain.

[MariParticipant]

Dear Carol

I am so very sorry for your loss of your husband Brian. It seems so very hard that you had such a short time after his disgnosis. I cannot tell you that your pain will ever go, I have no experience of such grief, but I hope that day by day it will decline and you will be able to remember Brian as he was in the good times before this awful disease afflicted him. I send my deepest condolences and prayers that you and your family will find some comfort in your grief,

with love,

Mari x

[eveParticipant]

Dear Carol
I am so sorry for your loss,you do not mention if you have children,if you have they will give you the strength you need at this time.

I think you have to ask yourself would you wish him back in such pain,do not grieve for him,but grieve for yourself,he is at peace and now you have to find your own peace.You have not had much time to prepare yourself,and talk about yourself,s so this must be hard for you.

I do not think the pain goes away,you just start to remember the happy times,so in time they over take the sad times,take one day at a time,never refuse an invite ,and hang in there until one day you think of him living not how he died.I wish you well on your new journey.Eve

[PerkymiteParticipant]

Hi Carol, I lost a son at 19 years of age, he would be 45 now and no doubt married with children – sadly that was not to be. For 18 months I could not speak his name without welling up with tears. I still think of him and even now I am begining to feel emotional as I write this.

I believe when you lose someone you love the pain does not go away, it just gets easier to hide. However you will move on, as I have, and you will laugh and cry as memories of his life come back to you.

I wish you the very best.

Kindest regards ? Vasbyte

David

p.s I have just read Eve's point "never refuse an invite" and I think it is very important that you do not allow your grief to push away friends.

[tomParticipant]

Dear Carol

I am so sorry for your loss its hard for me to imagine what you are going through at the moment and am sure you will enjoy life again just a new way with new challenges.

Hugs for you

Tom xx

[TinaParticipant]

Dear Carol,

I too lost my dear husband of 34 yrs to Myeloma, 12 months ago. "Will this pain ever go?" I personally agree with David, the pain for somemone you have loved and lost never goes away. Whilst I am now able to talk about Patrick without immediately breaking out in tears the pain I feel seems to have found a place in me to hide occasionally but rears it's ugly head still to bring me crashing down. Everyone says "try and think of the good times" I am only now able to do that albeit only very occasionally.

But Carol, you will be able to enjoy life again, just a different one in a different way. I have taken up windsurfing and found a whole bunch of new friends, I have also just earned a Diploma in Photography. Keep busy and yes, take each day as it comes – you will make it.
Love and very big hugs

Tina X

[michelleakitt29Participant]

Dear carol

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my Mum on the 13th of May to this dreaded disease. I fill like there is a great big hole where she should be, I still can't get it into my head that she is really gone.

I hope as people say it does get easier.

Much love Michelle x x

[MinParticipant]

Dear Carol,
Im so sorry for your loss, I KNOW exactly how you feel as its eight months since my husband died of mm, it was also very sudden and unexpected. Losing your husband is like being torn in half, I had been married for 40years and to suddenly be without him was heartbreaking.
My husband had been ill with mm for two years and those two years whilst extending our time together, just made it worse to some degree as he was in so much pain and almost constantly undergoing one treatment or another.
It was two years of putting off the inevitable in our case, and watching him suffer and deteriorate and hope for remission was heartbreaking.
The pain you feel will get better, you will adapt to your new circumstances, it will be difficult and sad, and occasionally you will forget that you are a widow. But you will get through it.
Its very early days for you and I can only advise you to take your time with everything. There is no rush to do anything Even the paperwork which overwhelms you can wait until you are in the mood.
In my case that was almost 4 months.
My daughter organised all the official things over the phone, tax man DWP and widows benefit and allowances.
I do hope you have someone you can lean on at this time as I know how useless I felt when she had to go home.
I have found a widows group which has been very very supportive and understands all too well how you feel when your soul mate has gone.
Most important of all when all the friends and family have gone back to there lives and your left with your thoughts these are a group of widows who you can chat with to break the many moments of being alone.
The group is called Way Up. and they are for all of the UK,meeting and more recently organising a holiday of widows and widowers. They are NOT a dating organisation they are purely a support network; with an additional group for under 50s.
When you feel able look them up.
Try and rest and and enjoy your moments of reflection. think of the happy times, get out the photos of those happy times and surround yourself with them.
Love
Min x

[gina45Participant]

Dear Carol, I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our mum to myeloma in november last year. We are finding it very hard without her,but we try to think of mum before myeloma when she was well. We do not want to remember her when she was fighting this awful cancer. mum fought for 2 and a half years. She was well at the beginning but near the end very ill. I wouldnt want mum to have to go through that again.
I hope in time you will think of all the good times with your husband and look to the future again.
You take care x

[RozParticipant]

Dear Carol

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 18 months ago. Yes it is still hard and yes I'd still do anything to see him again. But when I look back to the man who fought for 18 months to survive this terrible cancer and took his life, I know wasn't Michael. The canvas's on my wall of the 2 of us is Michael.
What I'm saying is try to look positive, even I know that is something very very hard especially on a bad day. Try to remember the husband you married and not the one Myeloma took away. Get help where it is offered and take things slowly. Everything will fall into place but do it slowly. My life has changed and yours will too. When your ready you'll realise that you need to get a life once more. I'm disabled and I now know that if I don't get a life soon, I'm going to be following Michael. My life ends at 6 then I'm alone. So please get friends and family to help and support you. Let them show you that you matter too. I'm learning the hard way. My daughter only wants me when she needs money. I am then alone so I started drinking. I've cut back now and friends have shown me they care. Please please just remember you are not alone and try and do what Brian wanted you to do.

All the best
Roz xxx

[tamaridspiceParticipant]

Can relate to this- my dad went into hospital on thursday, diagnoised with myeloma on the Friday, he was dead by the wednesday morning. he had nothing more than some hip pain-which he had been told by hip speciaist wasn't his hip( already had a hip replacement) but his spine, was about to do a MRI, but we didn't get that fine….two weeks ago he had seemed well…all so sudden….finding it all very hard 🙁

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