This topic contains 47 replies, has 22 voices, and was last updated by 
tom 12 years, 8 months ago.
Hello everybody
It is ages since I last wrote and I haven't been near nor by the website since March. I have just accessed it and read some of the postings particularly those from Tina and Sarah. I am so sorry to learn of your losses and for all of you going through difficult treatment. Hang on in there – I know what a B…r it is.
For the last 3 months I have been in my local hospice (2 weeks), 4 weeks in Barts to deal with some awful treatment symptoms and am now back in the hospice (4 weeks so far). After much thought and discussion I have now decided to stop all treatment and let nature take its course. After nearly 8 eight years of treatment I am just too tired to give it a further run for its money. I have hesitated to tell you this but I think it is important for you all to know that modernised treatment gave me a longer life than I expected and it can and hopefully will do the same for you.
Nobody has given me a time and I am not seeking it. I shall stay here at the hospice as they are better able to take care of me. I shall try to keep in touch.
Good luck and love to you all. Love, Gayexx
My Lovely Gaye,
You were a great strength to me when I first came to this site and you remain a great strength to me now.
I can do no more than accept your decision, as much as I would like it to be different… but I know that that would be wrong, just because I find it so hard to think of a world without you in it.
I am sure that the hospice will make you comfortable and will support you through your end of life procedures… none of us could expect more.
I hope you can stay in touch for as long as you can but regardless, I just want you to know just how much I respect you, regard your friendship and support and just how much I have valued your unstinting and unconditional friendship in all the time I have known you.
With all my love and best wishes.
Dai xxx.
Gaye, i am always inspired by the people on here that are going through this horrendous disease. I wish that i could talk you into giving it more time but then again i am not going through it, my mum is and she has more or less said the same.
I will be thinking of you and i hope that you are comfortable and well looked after.
I want to thank you for the support and advice that you have given me. and i am giving you all my love and thoughts
All my love Gina xxxx
Dear Gaye
When I first came on the site i appreciated your posts and your support of others.
I do understand the decision you have made. Everything I read fills me with admiratin with what you all endure to prelong your life and to give this b….. MM the best fight you can. I am sure a time comes when enough is enough. I am glad you are being well looked after. I do hope the Hospice will let you stay till the end.
I do hope and pray that these days will be peaceful and as painfree as is possible for you. I firmly believe this life isn't all there is. I hope you can find some comfort in such thoughts, but, even if not, pray that you can come towards the end of your journey with heartfelt thanks for all that has been good in your life, and for the courage to battle so long.
So sorry things have worked out this way.
Much love.
Mavis x
Hello Gaye
Although I don´t know you may I say a personal "Thank You" for sharing your decision. I think many of us will understand very well your thinking process – for me I know that there will come a time when it will seem more natural to go rather than stay.
I wish you peace and loving support throughout the coming days and I am sure there are many of us here who would want to support you even if only by prayer.
Loving thoughts
Carol x
Dear Gaye,
A very difficult choice to make but I respect your decision and feel very humble that you can share your thoughts with us.
I am pleased to be able to hear from you again as I was concerned as to how you are.
Thank you for all the wise moments you have shared with us.
I visited a hospice last week for the first time and was pleasantly surprised at how 'nice' a place it was.
You will be in my thoughts,whenever i go again, I wish for you what you wish for yourself.
Love Min
Dear Gaye
I have been thinking of you wondering how you are, i'm sorry you have been poorly and have come to this decision but I do understand your reasons why. As others have said I hope you are being well looked after and are comfortable.
I'd also like to thankyou for all the advice and support you have given all of us on here. You are a very brave, inspirational lady.
You will be in my thoughts.
Love and hugs Lorraine xxx
Dear Gaye,
I was thinking of you only yesterday and here you are. I completely understand your decision and hope you are at peace with it, the hospice will look after you I am sure.
If you would like to talk to me about anything including end of life drugs etc please don't hesitate to contact me at pa.davis@virgin.net.
Strength and hugs
Tina X
Dear Gaye you have been in my thoughts a lot lately and it is lovely to hear from you Not so lovely to hear you have had a rough time though. I can understand your decision to stop treatment completely Initially we are all for fighting the fight but these treatments that give us extra time take their toll, mentally and physically. I realised a little while ago that I too would come to a similiar decision at some point , at 5 years I am a little way behind you , and I am sure I will know when the time is right for me . Ever since I first found this support group your wonderful kindness and wisdom have got me over a few rocky patches and your lovely sernse of fun has given me a good giggle on many occasions Thankyou Gaye for being you and I feel priveliged to have known you even a little . I hope you can pop in to the site occasionally . Lots of love Gaye , you will be in my thoughts Bridget xx
Hi Gaye
I came on this site the end of February just as you went off,I saw your posting on trying new drugs ,about getting approval ,and your problems with pain control,I went back over your old posting to try to learn from your experience and I did,thank you for helping new people on this site.I like many others wondered what had happened to you,thank you for posting again.
I wish you a good journey and enjoyment of all your days you have,my thoughts will be with you.Thank you again.Eve
Dear Gaye How lovely it is to hear from you. I am sorry to hear you have been having such a bad time. I always talk to Michael about you ,and your post has moved us both. We both respect your decision to stop treatment, it takes a very brave lady to do that.
God Bless you Gaye and thank you for all the love and support you have shown to myself and Micheal
All our Love
Sue and Michael
Dear Gaye
I too have been thinking about you these past few days, so it was great to hear from you. You are a very courageous lady. You have fought this horrible disease with bravery and have given strength to many on the forum. Thank you for all your wisdom, knowledge and empathy that you have given to us all. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and may God bless you and be with you.
All my love and respect
Jean. xx
I have been so touched by all your wonderful messages. What can I say? My control freakery has now gone out of the window along with the bra which is now too painful to wear – not a pretty sight. Showering is now hilarious each morning with what seems like half the nursing staff watching for the latest river to be created! It is certainly not boring.
I will try to keep in touch. When the weather is good we have a lovely garden at the hospice which I try to enjoy as often as possble.
Love to you all.
Gaye xx
Hello again Gaye, you keep smiling lady, i hope that you are getting looked after well and i hope the sun shines everyday on that lovely hospice garden just for you xxxx
Hi hello Gaye,i must firstly agree with everybody who has answered your post in saying what a trully,lovely and brave lady you are,i was diagnosed 2yrs yesterday with this god forsaken disease,and i too would be tired after a long gruelling 8yrs of needles,bloods medication,hospital appointments,.Its a very hard decision to make and you are so brave in making it,. I do hope that they are making you well and comfortable in the hospice,and glad to hear that you can manage the gardens on a nice day,in the meantime Gaye, you take things real easy and take care,love and best wishes Shirls x xx xx x
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